Mike Valle's Power Crystal Page

"It's kind of like an empty fullness...
or a full emptiness."

NEW!!! M-BRACELET: Unleash the awesome power of molecules!!!!

Pathways to the Manifold of Higher Consciousness: The Mystical Contemplations of Mike Valle

An IMPORTANT DOCUMENT by the LORD HIGH GURU HIMSELF, revealing NEW SCIENTIFIC PROOFS of the PROPHECIES OF PATANJALI and THE EXISTENCE OF BIGFOOT. Here is a TANTALIZING EXCERPT:

Quantum nonlocal dualism reveals to the spiritual mind the deeper holographic reality of the Brahman underlying both matter and consciousness. These holographic subatomic vector fields may be combined with proper spritual channeling into a powerful beam of quantum energy that will overcome the samskaras inherent in Pakriti and re-enfold the universe into the great manifold that is itself an empty fullness...or perhaps, a full emptiness.

Mike Valle was once one of the most respected philosophers in the mainstream academy, publishing articles like "Towards a Transcendental Hermeneutic of Jürgen Habermas: The Unfortunate Case of John Rawls and Gramsci's Deconstruction of the res cogitans in Light of Plotinus XV.4.iii, or, A Note on the New Neo-Marxist-Feminist Dialectical Hegemony in Marcuse's Poststructuralist Kultur-Kritik: Reflections on the Narrative Discourse of Fichte's faux-Immanent Eschatology and the raison d'être of Patriarchical Language Games in the Radical Theology Text, Part I (addendum to "Whither Merleau-Ponty?" Phenomenologica 25(3): 376-451, 1998)."

But he became dissatisfied with the ATHEISTIC philosophy of the DEMIURGE, and went on a spiritual journey to Tibet, where, after TWELVE YEARS OF MEDITATION, he began to channel the spirit of JESUS CHRIST, the WARRIOR GHOST-KNIGHT of ATLANTIS. Now, he has returned, to share the TRUTH with us, the PATH to TRUE ENLIGHTENMENT: "This path consists of twelve components, one corresponding to each Apostle of Jesus Christ":

Mystical union (Peter)
Power crystals (James, son of Zebedee)
Second-order differential equations (John)
Kirlian photography (Andrew)
The Bermuda Triangle (Philip)
Alien abductions (Bartholomew)
Bigfoot (Matthew)
Astrology (Thomas)
The Geller Effect (James, son of Alphaeus)
Holograms (Thaddeus)
Quantum mechanics (Simon the Zealot)
Atlantis (Judas Iscariot)

Other books by Mike Valle

P is for Pakriti: The acclaimed children's book that helps them to unlock their psychic powers. Seriously, who wouldn't want little children to be able to use telekinesis?

My Adventures with the Fairies: Mike Valle tells about the magical extra-dimensional land he discovered with the help of the lost diary of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, translated from the original Egyptian by Bigfoot.

Atlantisophobia: Mike Valle debunks the bigotry of the skeptics, who are racist against people who believe in Atlantis.

Interview by REALITY magazine

Interview with V. Krapkov by the JSPA

LISTEN to these AWESOME TESTIMONIALS of the TRANSFORMING POWER of Lord High Guru Mike Valle's PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT:

"I remember the first time I met the Lord High Guru. He was running around the streets of Grand Forks, throwing pineapples at people and yelling 'CRAZY EIGHTS! CRAZY EIGHTS!' at the top of his lungs. I watched him until he ran out of pineapples, then went up to him and asked him what he was doing. He said, and I quote, 'Happy Birthday! I'm Popeye! STELLA! HEY, STELLA!' At that point, I began to realize that there was something seriously wrong with this guy."

John Morovic, M. D.
Neurosurgeon

"I have read the Lord High Guru's book, and I haven't the slightest idea what the hell he's talking about. For that matter, I doubt he himself has the slightest idea what the hell he's talking about. "

Barbara H. Belsdorf
Theoretical physicist

"Don't waste your money on this crap! He took everything from me! Everything!!!"

Alexandre Bostopolous
Homeless man

"Look, I'm a mathematician, and I deal with second-order differential equations all the time. I can honestly tell you that there is no way one can deduce from second-order differential equations the existence of an alien telekinetic conspiracy against Brahman originating out of a holographic 'Nazi replica of Atlantis' orbiting Saturn. I mean, there are so many things wrong with that, it is difficult to know where to begin. In fact, judging from his book, the Lord High Guru does not appear to even know what a second-order differential equation is. It seems like he just says 'second-order differential equation' a lot to make stupid people think he must be smart."

Jiang X. F. Chang-Keaton
Mathematician

"My grandmother did everything the Lord High Guru said she should. She even bought that power crystal powder from him that you're supposed to mix in with your own urine and drink. She's dead now."

Tracy F. Morgensterne
Housewife