Volume 12, Issue 4
"An Interview with Lord High Guru Mike Valle and Dr. Vladimir Krapkov on the Economic Status of the World Today"
Mike Valle is the Lord High Guru of Subdomain 6 of the Galactic Regime of Nebula X. He is the author of the famous book Pathways to the Manifold of Higher Consciousness, and numerous pamphlets on the quantum holotransform dynamics of the samskaras. His many public lectures have brought joy and peace, as well as the miraculous regeneration of severed limbs, to hundreds of thousands.
Vladimir Krapkov is Professor of Parapsychoneurobotany and Spiritual Consciousness. He holds twelve degrees in various paranormal fields from the Arthur Conan Doyle Memorial Institute for Fairy Technology and from the Brahmic Center for Psychic Studies. He has authored over 320 groundbreaking technical articles and commentaries on telekinesis, Kirlian photography, the history of Atlantis, and the meaning of life.
JSPA: The recent tension in the Middle East raises several interesting questions for the nature and fate of humanity. Dr. Krapkov, you have done some recent research related to this issue, haven't you?
VK: Yes, indeed. I have been working with Horst Dietrich and the rest of the group on several projects that relate broadly to this issue. In fact, I have just sent off a manuscript entitled The Collective Psychic Power of the Iraqis: Its Amazing Origin and Horrifying Implications. I expect it to hit mainstream bookstores late this fall sometime.
JSPA: Would you mind giving us a pocket synopsis?
VK: Not at all. Like so much else, the psychic powers of the Iraqi people have their origins in what I call the "temporal transcendence factor" of the ancient people of Atlantis. Broadly speaking, their auras are extending from the past and contaminating the psychic energy pool in the world today.
MV: Well, technically speaking, you should say that they are "regressing from the past" - you want to put the auric flux through the proper Berklean mereological transformations. Otherwise, the resultant propositional attitudes could be, should we say, less than desirable?.
VK: Yes, thanks - I keep on forgetting my elementary Leibniz. And the frightening thing is that the unified subconscious mind of the Iraqi people is tapping into this contamination to power a new generation of missiles whose destructive capabilities extend far beyond anything that conventional atheistic science has yet produced.
JSPA: This is something you have considerable experience with too, isn't it, Lord High Guru Valle?
MV: Yes, the phenomenon is quite similar to the channeling of the white force of Brahman through Ordovan power crystals to help erase ones samskaras. Except in this case, the quantum positronic vector quantities are inverted, yielding an outwards smearing of the samskaras, in much the same way as butter is spread across toast.
JSPA: I see. And does this command of the vector quantities suggest to you something in the way of countermeasures?
MV: Yes. In fact, I have been developing what can best be described as a nirvikalpi-samadhi-cannon, which employs life force crystals in much the same way as I alluded to earlier. The Pentagon has taken great interest in this project, although in more of a neo-Kantian metaphysical sense than the quasi-Humean epistemological sense which one might normally expect.
VK: An astute observation, but aren't you afraid that this unabashed neo-Kantian metaphysicalism constitutes a Jamesean slippery slope into postmodernism?
JSPA: Dr. Krapkov has a point - isn't neo-Kantianism a little too close for comfort to unremitting ontological Aristotelianism?
MV: Well, my point is that they're here, and they're among us. And the establishment has been feeding us the big lie with respect to this issue. They have demonstrated a similar attitude towards the Bermuda Triangle, which is the most serious threat mankind faces today.
JSPA: The most serious? Are you sure the Bermuda Triangle deserves top priority?
VK: No, the Lord High Guru is right - I double-checked his second-order differential equations, and they were right on target. I have to admit, initially, I was pretty skeptical about the idea that an underwater alien civilization was destroying our aircraft with powerful death rays, but some airplanes that have flown over the Triangle have indeed never made it to their destinations, so what other explanation could there be?
JSPA: But wouldn't the diehard, fully naturalistic skeptic, like those at CSICOP, object that maybe some aquatic race of fish-men distantly related to humans could be using psychic powers to hurl the aircraft into another dimension?
MV: Sure, that's what the skeptic would say. But that's really so inelegant an explanation compared to the underwater alien death-ray hypothesis that it makes the skeptic look particularly silly, and demonstrates his closed-mindedness for everyone to see.
VK: Yes, those people have serious problems with their samskaras, as my 1985-89 studies with Kirlian photography on a cross-section of the US population clearly demonstrated. I only hope that one day they might be able to break their personal cycles of karma and become unified with Brahman.
MV: Which is kind of like an empty fullness.
JSPA: Unfortu-
MV: Or a full emptiness.
JSPA: Unfortunately, we've run out of time, but I'm really glad the two of you could join us and share your penetrating insights into the nature of life and death. I know I've certainly learned quite a bit today.
VK: Thanks for having us here.
MV: Yes, peace and happiness be upon you.